Yearly Archives: 2015

W E Patterson's avatar

you’re better off

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sometimes when you don’t have
a job
to go to in the morning
you’re better off for it…

you say that to yourself

…as long as the 99 Subaru
kicks over and that
landlady from hell
doesn’t show up
in her paisley shorts
and lime green tube top
yelling at you over
the bougainvillea
hedge
saying she thinks
that she
saw you on the News
last night…
…she says you look like
that swindler from
Miami Gardens
who conned a
94 year old widow
out of fifty grand
last week.

Then she says

you are a
deadbeat because
you owe
six hundred twenty five
bucks
payable now…

…but you don’t think anything
of it because
you don’t have a job, and

… you’re better off for it
aren’t you?
as long as you can
make it
to that casino
… on the edge
of the Everglades
just…before dawn
…rolling up with
a 50 in-hand
ready to throw it down
in the high-limit room

two spins and you’re done
now head off
to the 2.99
breakfast buffet

…and you’re better off for it
…aren’t you?
just go home
and stuff your mail
into a neighbor’s box
and tell the guy next door
that you are moving to
Dallas in two weeks
to accept a position
in marketing for an
emerging
startup

THEN

say to yourself

you are better off for
all of this.

W E Patterson's avatar

a friend of mine is released from jail

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they let a friend of mine
out of jail
3 days before Christmas
this year…
…he wasn’t a bad man,
he was a fine man
in some ways

he could
quote Shakespeare
like only
an educated
old drunk can
AND
he could speak at length
about Gauguin
because he liked painting
and he enjoyed,
drinking
vodka interspersed with
the occasional glass of
old red wine

late at night

while Haydn played
on the stereo
He was…
an accomplished
Old Hippie
who had attended
Woodstock
and in his later years
he’d become
…a savvy investor
who’d lost a fortune
to Wall Street
and said he
didn’t miss any of it
not him
Citizen of the World
a guy who
enlivened
dinner parties
and
sometimes,
spoke passionately
of the simple pleasures
of life in the country
a man who enjoyed
illegal cigars
and drank wine that
few could afford,

…but he did 15 months
in the can…

he didn’t kill anyone
…didn’t rob anyone
…didn’t swindle anyone
or profess to be
a Doctor of Dentistry
or engage in a false
medical practice in some
rented garage in
Hialeah

he didn’t say
that he could
cure ailments
or heal wounds
or lead you to Jesus
he didn’t sell
dope
or guns
or religious paraphernalia
or hashish pipes
but he went to jail
anyway
…thankfully…
the
felonious
bastard…

damed old drunks
shouldn’t drive

W E Patterson's avatar

leaving Orange County

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I was flying over Orange County
one night last year, and
…I sat next to a guy
on the airplane
who said he was the
chief executive officer
of a corporation
(can’t recall which one)
and we drank
two double scotch
whiskeys
together
as we flew over
the Grand Canyon.
“There’s the Big Ditch,” he said,
draining his plastic cup
“none bigger,” I said back

then
he told me
a joke about
the President
of the United States
and then he told me
another joke
about
someone who
I didn’t know,
…a Hollywood actress
and I laughed
tho’ I didn’t know the woman
and then he told me
that his wife had
founded her own
Foundation in the name
of her father
a saintly old fool
who’d quite by accident
made more money than
God should allow
but who had died too young
and very conveniently
…and quietly
and with no remorse
or regrets
whatsoever…

“God” I said…
“God is a good thing”
…and the CEO said God was
a fine and good thing too
…money…God
…all of it
…
and we’d laughed
because we were
both
…drunk
at 35000 feet,
…he in a fine suit
AND
me with a half-written
valise of shit
in the overhead
But
…the two of us
were rushing
together
toward the same end
just
four and a half hours
out of Cincinnati